The day after the wedding, I made a decision to not hold back but to let myself grieve. Of course with limits. But, I wanted to take advantage of having my lovely family around. So, I didn't stop myself when my mind wandered to MLRA and his wellbeing. I only had the weekend with my family and I didn't expect much emotional support when I got back home to my husband. Not because I don't think my husband loves me but because I love him and understand that he doesn't do emotions very well especially crying.
I needed emotional support and I was going to get it before I left.
The one person I tried to hide my sorrowness from was my mother though. I didn't want her to worry about me. But, she asked me when MLRA's aunt was bringing MLRA back to me or if I had to go get him. I told her that she was not bringing him-that he was going to stay with her. My poor mom. She looked at me and started crying and through her sobbing she said, "I don't feel sad for him. He will be okay. He will be better in fact, because of what you did for him. Its you that I'm worried about. You gave your heart and soul to him and you grew attached to him. No matter your decision. He became a part of you. Its you that is gonna suffer from this." I held her. and she sobbed as I held her. I told her that I was fine. I didn't cry with her. I was too busy comforting her.
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