nightmares

I was emotionally exhausted yesterday that I felt like a zombie walking around I'm grateful for my awesome assistant that stepped up and held it together for me and my clients sake . When my head finally hit the pillow I struggled just a little but I was out until my husband's alarm went off. But he told me that I woke him up during the middle of the night because I was screaming and sobbing but he couldn't understand what i was saying. I don't remember any dreams from last night however I do know that I imagined MLRA screaming and needing to be comforted and rocked - the vision that the social worker painted for me was horrific ... I am going to wait to see if the social worker thinks it is in MLRAs best interest to see me. I told MLRA that would see him again at Christmas time so I don't want to add to his disappointments but at the same time I am no longer in charge of what is best for him.

I am overwhelmed with sadness- what I've identified so far is the sadness and anxiety for MLRA - guilt that I should have known his aunt was not committed enough to him I honestly believed that she loved him unconditionally. More than me.