I met with MLRA's therapist on Friday. Horrible news: He is not securely attached. Therapist is worried about MLRA's ability to get better and also worried about my and my husband's mental health if we continue to parent MLRA, without additional manpower. Also suggested bringing in another therapist solely for re-triggering his brain on the sexual stuff. Therapist wanted me to understand that MLRA won't be better in 1, 2 or even 3 years. It could take 5 or 6 years. He is for all intents and purposes a 4 year old alcoholic dealing with triggers and a physical need for alcohol. He is manipulative and needs to be watched around children to assure he doesn't molest other children, even those older than him because of his advanced knowledge of sex.
I explained to her that I was done and wanted to transition him into another living situation. The therapist said that the choices are: 1) placing him in the foster care system. 2) sending him back to his family; 3) institutionalizing him.
Option 1: there is no guarantee of the type of foster parents he will get or that they will be dedicated to his healing. Nor that they will be a permanent placement.
Option 2: he will be with his siblings but not an ideal situation since his 6 year old brother was molesting his 5 year old brother. And his 5 year old brother bit the ear off the family dog last month and found pleasure in it. The 5 year old therapist is also recommending he be institutionalized.
Option 3: the therapist will research and let me know what that means for him.
Your therapist is right. RAD is a journey through an entire childhood. There is no way that a RAD child can be attached in a year. We are three years in, and are beginning to see real 'fruit' in our labors. It has been the toughest work I've ever done, but today I'm thankful I stayed with it. Our child has RAD, PTSD, ADHD. But, all along, we hoped for him to have a good life. We still do.
ReplyDeleteI can't advise what is best for you, though, because some children cannot be reached. Some children have so much hurt, so much pain, so much fear in their hearts, that they don't let anyone in. There's no crystal ball that will tell you which way your son could go. I'm sorry.
If you get a chance, click on my name, go to my blog, and scroll down the right side. Click on a blog called "Life in the Grateful House". Lisa, the author of the blog, adopted her daughter at age 5, after she had over 20 Moms. Lisa has devoted the last 7 years to helping her daughter through healing. It has been hell at times, but her daughter is in a good place now.
Once again, I'm sorry you have come to this point. It's hard and no matter what you decide, it will be very difficult on your heart. I will be praying for you.
It has taken 7 years, though. Seven long years.