today I was asked by my "son's" therapist if she could do a psychological exam on my 3 soon to be 4 year old. I wondered, uh, could this be the beginning of the healing or the beginning of another worse diagnosis or the same-same? I am caring for my great nephew whose mother was killed by her husband. The mother is my niece. Except I didn't really know her because of a long story but suffice it to say that I did know she existed but I had never met her. Well, she was obviously a bad mother. She probably didn't have anyone in her life to model what a good mother looks like either though. She was my brother's daughter born of an extra-marital affair. Its funny how my brother's actions 30 years ago, have impacted my life so drastically today.
This little three year old is angry, traumatized from watching severe domestic violence, from witnessing horrific cruel acts, may have been sexually abused himself. He is violent. He is out of control with anger at times. He was neglected. He was left alone for days and weeks at a time.
It's hard to imagine what horrors he has witnessed. but, it's not my fault. I know that sounds stupid but frankly i wonder how I ended up with this task of raising him. sometimes, rarely it feels like a blessing. Most times, especially lately it feels like a burden.
He most likely has Reactive Attachment Disorder. He suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He may also have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He could also have a mild form of Down's Syndrome. I didn't know there was such a thing. I didn't know what Reactive Attachment Disorder was until a month after we brought him home.
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm also feeling responsible. I'm also exhausted and tired.
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